Fiona Apple Roasts ‘Trump’s Nuts’ Over an Open Fire

December 9th, 2016: As seen on Archive (PDF)


Photo: YouTube


Ever the endearing iconoclast, Fiona Apple dispatched from her Tumblr accountearlier this week with a festive roast of everybody’s favorite new President Elect.

Camera perched comically Blair Witchian from below, Apple rearranged the lyrics of the Christmas classic “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On an Open Fire)” to put Trump on blast for all the usual things — flagrant lies, exploitation of wealth divides, racism and con-man trickery — ending the a cappella fireside swoon with a ‘Merry Christmas’ to everyone but Trump, Apple’s dog with a cameo bark or two for affect.

Apple also recorded an audio version only that Pitchfork has up right now, in which she turns up the heat a little further in the final verse, talk-singing, “Merry Christmas, Donald Trump, fuck you.”

Though tearing up a picture of the big orange cheeto a la Sinaed O’Connor‘s pope image rage on SNL, as she supplements in the Tumblr video instead, is just as clutch.

Merry Christmas, Fiona. Check out the full lyrics and video, below:

Trump’s nuts roasting on an open fire
As he keeps nipping at his foes
You’ll cry creepy uncle
Every time he arrives
For he keeps clawing at your clothes
Everybody knows some money and entitlement
Can help to make the season white
Mothers of color with their kids out of sight
Will find it hard to sleep at night

They know that Trump is on his way.
He’s got black boys in hoodies locked up on his sleigh
And every working man is going to cry
When they learn that Letch don’t care how you live or if you die

So I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to 92
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Donald Trump, fuck you