Randy Newman’s Dick is Bigger Than Trump’s, According to His Unreleased Song

July 19th, 2017: As seen on Archive (PDF)

Randy Newman back in 1977 singing ‘Short People’; Photo: Randy Newman/YouTube

But you already knew that, right?

Though the Americana pillar of aloof piano numbers has teased the lyrics to his purported phallic ballad before for American Songwriter back before Donald the Terrible got elected, Randy Newman is having some fun again with his back-pocket number, tentatively titled “My Dick’s Bigger Than Your Dick.”

In another interview with Vulture, the 73-year-old is pushing the August 4 drop of his latest LP Dark Matter, with an amendment to the infamous verse he already had, adding this chorus to the package:

My dick’s bigger than your dick
It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true
My dick’s bigger than your dick
I can prove it too
There it is! There’s my dick
Isn’t that a wonderful sight?
Run to the village, to town, to the countryside
Tell the people what you’ve seen here tonight

What a dick!
What a dick!

This of course on the heels of his actually released song, “Putin,” that appears on Dark Matter, that throws plenty of shade at everyone’s favorite Russian Oligarch in hilarious vaudevillian ways, speaking in the character of Vladimir at one point, “These chicken farmers and file clerks gonna be the death of me.”

Combined with the hundreds of tracks we’ve seen so far benefitting everything this current administration is failing to support, from Our First Hundred Days to 30 Days, 30 1000 Songs, and every one-off anti-Trump number in between, i.e. Fiona Apple roasting the dude’s nuts over a classic Christmas fire number, the world will be blessed with a couple box-sets over by the time this circus ends.

It appears though the world will have to wait for Newman’s package contribution, as fair is fair, he furthur divulged in that Vultureinterview that the song is shelved as he “..didn’t want to add to the problem of how ugly the conversation we’re all having is.”

Until then, enjoy his send up of our true new leader: